Fight. [fuck]

So today was a pretty good day. was being the operative term here.

Boyfriend mowed the lawn [front and back, the back yard is a bit big] So afterward, we're sitting in the living room talking about the backyard. He had previously wanted a wooden pirate ship for the backyard, a playplace for the boys. So I mentioned that, which he just says [a little sulkily] that the place doesnt have it anymore.

I told him "they make them there, I'm sure they'd make another one. not this summer or next, but the one after we can get it"

So then we're talking about this patch in the back left of the yard. they aren't weeds, like he says, but a leafy ground cover that was put there because of the tree roots in that area. He gets mad as I try to explain this. Offhandedly I mention I wish the 2 decrepit apts next to use would get torn down, then maybe we could buy the property or something, I think we could get a mortgage for it. he gets very upset, interrupting me,

him: "no, we cant. my credit is shit"
me: "did I say today, tomorrow, even 2 years from now? I mean like 5-10 yrs from now." [I say this calmly]
him [yelling]: How could we afford it? I'll still be in school!
me: I'll be done with school though, we could use my credit, it's better than yours anyway
him: with your masters degree? no you wont
[I'm already a year into school]
me: "Im halfway to my associates, if i choose to get it. then I'll get my bachelors 2 yrs later. one year after Ill have my masters. whats that? 2014. so theres an extra year there, before we hit the 5-10 yr mark.

we start arguing, because this all started over me mentioning something related to the house. he likes talking about fixing up the house all the time. his plans can be somewhat grandiose at times, but I put up with it. but as soon as i mention something, he attacks me.

the argument is a bit of a blur, but my voice is hoarse and we argued in front of our child. which KILLS me. luckily he thought we were playing or something, he laughed.
snippets:
him: [arguing] STOP [arguing] STOP [to keep me from interrupting I suppose]
me: you sound like a telegraph, bitchbitchbitch stop. [I couldnt help it, I laughed at him x.x]
him: I'm sick of this shit
me: I'm sick of YOU!

Now I'm furious, chainsmoking, with a headache and I just want to take the car and GO. anywhere, as long as its away from him.

He doesn't care. And I'm sick of him pretending like he does. I'm sick of playing housewife when I am only a girlfriend. He can marry someone he didn't truly love because she nagged him into it. but he cant marry me even when he says he loves me? LYING DICK.

I won't wait forever. this is why I called off the engagement, because I couldnt even MENTION the word wedding. if we aren't moving forward there is no point to me being here. He loves me enough to FUCK me. and for me to be the mother of our CHILD. but he doesn't want me to be his WIFE.

I'll be back when I cool off...