So today I decided, I'll go to the gym. figured I'd get Avery woken up, fed, and then we'd get showered and go. It's now 7:30. I was planning on leaving at 7, since the daycare is only until 8pm. fucking FAIL. I am now sitting here, rewatching season 1 of Weeds. I should at least do some housework. I just feel so fucking useless. I WILL go to the gym tomorrow before my psych final at 1230. Or I'll stab myself in the face.
I also had a weird dream last night, involving rape and pudding. I have no FUCKING idea x.x
I gotta try to get motivated into cleaning.
Do all borderlines have such troubles letting go when it comes to losing a loved one? 4 years and I still break down and cry for him. but sometimes... I wonder if I'm crying for him as much as I'm already breaking down, and then I think of him... Regardless... I miss him, I want him to be proud of me... but the truth is, he'd probably hate who I really am. and cue the tears.
Later...
Yes, to answer your question. I still think of past boyfriends, therapists, friends I lost. It sucks. It very much hurts to let people go, even when you have to. :(
ReplyDeleteI'm actually really bad at letting people go, I hold onto them and keep them in my life, even if it's not in either's best interest. >.<
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