music has, as always, been my drug. and maybe that's why I'm so calm. or maybe I'm just so disassociated from this part of my life.
I am no longer with my fiance. we fight too goddamn much, and in front of the kiddo. and I just can't be ok with that. He's been getting farther from enabling and closer to reflecting my borderline raging. And that kills me.
The entire discussion, I was severely disassociated. which worked, because it was the calmest, scary almost how well it went. it was mutual, even. we still love each other, but we are hurting each other. So we ended it, before there could be resentment. we smiled and played videogames after. It was weird.
So is the thought of being single. oh god.
But I'm ok. really. I think I'll be fine.
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