Catching up this past few days.

I haven't been posting in a few days; so I'll try to catch things up::

Sunday, he wasn't able to come over for dinner. He had to spend time with his dad. that's fine, no problem. He txts me later that evening asking how I'm doing, I was having an off day, my heart hurt, etc. I told him this and he called me. We were on the phone for like 20mins, he mentions 'well you better cheer up soon' I asked why he said just because. He was driving but I didn't think much of it. I hear a knock at the door and he hangs up when I tell him to hang on.
He was at my goddamn door. ♥
We sat and played Fable 3 and talked and kissed a little...

because of the t/m thing i asked if we were different than that.
he doesnt see himself dating. worried he'd be going through the motions. no problem with calling someone his gf, or other ppl calling someone his gf. would maybe not tell me if he had sex w someone and it was deff a one time thing.

Cuddled and played fable 3 all night. was affectionate. popped a couple of my zits. didnt seem to mind my not so smooth legs.

kissed. he kissed my head. held me so i wouldn't freeze outside. gave me his cigs at the end of the night. glanced at me a few times. giggled with me over my fuzzy legs.

I fucking love this boy.

That was sunday. I don't love him but I sure can feel the want to there. I'm so good at seeing the possibilities I get a little blinded by reality. ugh.

The week was sorta uneventful. a friend freaked me out friday, we were hanging out and he mentioned dating around. I told him that's not my thing, I tend to fixate on liking one person at a time. he says "I understand, I'm fixated on you. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you in 2 weeks" creepy right? esp since that friend is supposed to be happily engaged. and I know his fiance wouldn't believe me. and I'd lose them as friends. so I didn't know what to do. and he was already holding me cause I was cold, but then he hugged me and pressed his lips to my head. It was the perfect response.

But it hurts. It hurts because I want him to want to date me, I want him to like me. I want him to be mine. And I'm afraid my jealousy will get in the way before that happens.

I really care about this guy. I hate that he cuddles with his female roommate [though he would stop if he was dating someone] I want him to cuddle ME every night. goddamnit I just want him. and it hurts.