A couple of the BPs I read have gone away. It's sad, because I like to see how others cope with it.
But it also reminds me, that I will never be silenced. maybe I'm a coward, for not posting who I am to the world, but if I did, I would never be so honest.
My voice is disguised but strong. And if that's the way I have to deal, then so be it.
Any columbus BPs know anything about Dr J Scott Craig? he takes both Caresource and the insurance I'm going to be on come January. Has anyone been there or know anyone who has?
Either way. Dr time soon. I need to do this, for me. I had this planned before I even broke it off w the fiance.
My friend and I had a date tonight, sorta. We talked, and he mentioned [not that he thinks it would happen with us] but his history speaks for him, he is drawn to broken people. And when they get fixed/fix themselves, they leave him. I don't want to do that. I won't do that. If we date, great. If we get serious, I will make him happier than the bitch that broke him.
Which is why I told him tonight.
That I don't want to date him. And he understood completely, that I meant not yet, because I don't want him to be a rebound, some casual affair, some mistake. I want him to be something meaningful. though he already means more to me than he should.
I know I won't be fixed. I know I will always be a little broken. maybe that is a little comforting to him. even if he doesn't quite realize what BPD entails. I'm hoping to keep the crazy to a minimum.
He called me codependent, and I said I was fiercely independent. Then he told me last night, that when he's really in a relationship, he is really invested to that point, he is very co-dependent. he needs attention, wants to be the most important person in my life, share our lives in every aspect. he thought I had a negative expression on my face, but I told him I was just trying not to smile. because I've never dated someone like that. And I'm a bit like that myself.
I don't love him. but I can imagine how it would be, so vividly. And it doesn't seem bad at all.
♥dee
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