I wake up and find myself unstable ♥

How can something so beautiful
Shine on something so dreadful
Realized this too late...
[Pulse Ultra, Despot]

I've been neglectful of this page. though, part of that is because ATT sucks and screwed up my internet, leaving me with only my phone for a week, and blogger + iphone =fail. So I'm back now though.

I was anti-socializing for a few days, but at the same time, I was desperately hoping someone would message me, text me, call me, something. >.<

How can someone feel so excited, happy, ecstatic one moment, then seriously wish that she could just go and cry alone the next? It's ridiculous, let me explain further...

We went to a friends for a get together. It was a lot of fun, but in the last half hour, I was damn near tears. in fact, when I went outside to smoke, I had to brush a few away. I had felt it coming, but held it back as well as I could. but of course, something always clouds my fun.

This week, or the week after, I have something to look forward to. I will NOT let anything get in the way of it. Though trying to get my mom to get some of her shit out of my house is ridiculously difficult. She hasnt even filed a change of address in the 6 months she's been moved out. I keep catching myself from doing this, but one day I might not hold back and just throw her shit in the trash. this is not a storage facility, and if it was, people pay to store their shit.

I have been setting up my studio. I find it a little silly that my craft room/art studio should be the biggest room in the house, but apparently it makes sense. Well, it will come in handy when I have friends over.

I've been thinking about an ex of mine... Not that I miss us together, not exactly. But I wish that he ever cared for me. it's silly, I know. but I listened to a song the other day, and it reminded me how shattered I was after him, not for the breakup itself, but for the fact that he recovered so quickly from me, that it never seemed to faze him at all. bastard. Why did I ever care?
The sad thing is, he was the strongest I cared about in a very long time, and he just didn't seem to appreciate it. >.<

Anywho, back to the present:
Lately we've been having some issues. Probably all my fault, whether I realize it or not. Like, it really irritates me how controlling and uptight he can be. but it feels like it's worse lately. I already have that run reflex that comes up here and there. but I feel like I'm suffocating lately. And our sex life is suffering, though he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. I can't help but think he's sick of looking at me. Heaven knows I'm not much to look at. but enough of my bitching. I need to go to bed. though I've been sleeping way more than I should be lately.

I've felt a little less "emo cunt" today though. And tomorrow will be better, I can feel it.