Welcome to UnderCover Borderline.

Hello, and thanks for reading. You can call me Dee. I'm a young college woman with a lot on her plate, on top of BPD.
I don't go to therapy, or take medication. I would love to, I'm positive it would be ridiculously helpful. But I have yet to find a doctor who takes my insurance, is accepting new patients, and is willing to take a BPD client. So until my luck changes, or I'm convincing enough to get a doctor to take me, I suffer.
This blog is my life, as I perceive it.

Monday, August 2, 2010

tomorrow is never that far away...

yesterday wasn't really great. but it wasn't bad either. honestly, aside from homework it was pretty blah.

Today, however, is shaping up to be a good day.
I woke up at 9:30 with my son. How lucky am I that my kid sleeps til 9:30?
Made the kiddo a breakfast, watched some Roseanne, scheduled my classes for next quarter, ate a fiber plus bar, facebooked, decided on dinner plans, and did a little cleaning. The fiance woke up about 12, we sat outside a few minutes and I swept up the porch. I really need to finish getting the house painted. oh well, it'll get done soon enough. I'm in a pretty good mood. I haven't woke up this early in a week, cause I haven't been able to sleep until 6, 7, sometimes 9 in the morning. >.< I'm fighting back some self-image issues, but I will NOT let them screw up today. Dammit, I deserve a day of happy.
Gonna bust out the indoor grill thingy tonight, see how that works out.

Watching Hoarders: Buried Alive. I have a tendency to hoard, a lot of it clothing, but nothing like that. but I've moved so much, lost so many things dear to me, including the best self portrait [and oil pastel] that I have ever done. When I first moved here, all I could bring from my old home was what I could fit into 1/2 a laundry basket. Which is probably why I have a tendency to not let things go.

I hoard people too. I know that sounds strange, but let me explain. I practically refuse to let people out of my life. I don't let people go. exes, former friends, I keep them in my life in some way. I don't want anyone to leave me, even after I leave them. o.O

I'll post more later.

How is everyone today? good, bad, or blah day so far?

3 comments:

  1. Hey there! Blah day definately! I have BPD also..and today I just feel NUMB!

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  2. *hug*
    I know how much that sucks! hang in there hun, it'll get better. eventually. lol. I've been on a semi-high of feeling good, I'm just dreading the crash. >.<

    Also, Detroit Red Wings fan? your taste in hockey is impeccable! =]

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  3. I am having such a hard day and the loneliness feels so intense. I totally relate to refusing to let people out of my life- the thought of someone leaving terrifies me.

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